Me, skydiving to mark my 40th birthday

Since I started this site, I’ve asked a number of people to write posts for me – people who I think are incredibly gifted and wise and whose stories I know people will be inspired by.  I’ve had lots of promises from people and there are some incredible things coming up in this space in the coming months.  I’m so excited I’ll be able to introduce some more incredible people to you, like Andrea, Christine, and Elizabeth.

Many of the people I’ve approached are both flattered and surprised that I think their stories have value.  These are mostly humble people who think that whatever ways they’re using their gifts are so horribly ordinary that nobody could possibly be interested in them.  Some of them don’t even think of them as “gifts” but just “stuff I do”.  I’m trying to convince them (and you) that ordinary is GOOD because it means that the rest of us who are also ordinary can relate and we don’t have to think “oh, I wish I were amazing like so-and-so.  If only I could write (or paint or dance or lead) like THAT I wouldn’t be so insecure.”

I think, hidden behind all these doubts, comparisons, jealousy and hesitation is a certain amount of fear.  We are afraid we won’t be good enough.  We are afraid we’ll trip on our face and embarrass ourselves.  We’re afraid that if we put ourselves out there in a bigger way than usual, nobody will notice or – worse yet – people will criticize us.

The truth is, sometimes we WILL fail, and sometimes we WON’T be good enough, and sometimes people WILL criticize.  I can’t promise you anything different.  But if we all shy away from what we are being called to do, we’ll not only live unsatisfied lives, but we won’t give the world the chance to benefit from what we have to offer.

Those of you who have followed my personal blog will know that I chose the word “fearless” as my word for 2009.  No, that doesn’t mean I’ll ever be truly fearless (is there such a thing?), it just means that, more often than I’ve done in the past, I want to face the fear dragon with courage and not run into hiding every time she breathes down my neck.  At the beginning of the year, I was feeling quite low about some of the ways I’d shrunk from fear, and I didn’t want to continue that pattern in my life.

If you’re interested, here’s a little video I created to launch myself into this “fearless” year.

Since the video was created, I’ve taken lots of little, but (for me) courageous steps into a more fearless life.  I joined a yoga class (even though my internal critique told me I’d been a clutz in every movement/dance/aerobics class I’d ever been in), I took a watercolour class (even though I’d convinced myself I wasn’t really artistic), I took some major steps into more authentic leadership with my work team and bared my soul in a really vulnerable way, I made a bold (and some thought reckless) proposal to our board of directors  and faced the critics with confidence (and had the proposal approved, despite what the naysayers warned), I challenged some destructive behavior I witnessed in people I lead (and didn’t flinch when one such confrontation resulted in a personal attack), I created a studio and dared to call myself “artist”, and now I’ve launched a new website/business.  I still have lots of fearless steps I want to take before this year ends, but I have to tell you, it feels REALLY good to have done these things, even though I was quaking in my boots for most of them.

 After a few months of embracing the “fearless” challenge, I wrote the following things I’d learned about fearlessness:

1. It’s not doing any good, this “hiding in the bulrushes” thing you try to do sometimes. You’re not doing anybody any favours by not putting your stuff out there. Yes, you might fail, but there’s an even better chance that you’ll succeed.  And even failure will be worth it if you learn from it and do better the next time around.

2. Sometimes, when you try your best fearless growl, and you manage to send out a notice to several creative friends about a cool group you want to start, and then you’re met with stone cold silence by more than half of them, it probably doesn’t mean they don’t like you or think your idea is stupid. It might just mean they don’t open their emails very often. Try again. Maybe pick up the phone next time.

3. Most of the time, other people are just as fearful as you. There might be really good ideas they’re withholding because they’re afraid you’re smarter than them and already thought of those ideas.

4. When you’re pretty sure you know how to improve on a group project you’re working on with other people, it doesn’t do anyone any good if you keep silent just because you assume others are smarter than you.  Believe it or not, sometimes you ARE the expert and have more knowledge than the others involved.

6. If you finally get off your butt and take a watercolour course after years of staring longingly at the shelves in an art supply store, you might just paint something that people will beg you to make prints of. Quit acting like it was an accident.

7. Sometimes, the answer is “wait”. Being fearless doesn’t mean you should rush headlong into something, or push people around in an attempt to get to your goal. Remember to be gentle on yourself and those you care about (or even those you barely know).

8. Yoga is amazing. You might even find yourself in tears after your first class because it feels so right. Why have you taken so long to try it? Maybe it’s time to give up this belief that you’re too uncoordinated for a class that involves body movement. Perhaps it’s even time to forgive yourself for that unfortunate jazz dance class experience and move on. (It was 20 years ago – get over it!)

9. It can really, really hurt when your best attempt at fearlessness is met with rejection or (perhaps worse) indifference. Let yourself wallow for a few minutes, learn from it, go do something else you know you’re really good at for awhile, and then move on.

10. Sometimes, the best way to succeed is to believe you have something worth sharing and then give it away freely and without reservation. Amazing things can happen when you let go of those things you’re too nervous to expose to the world, or you use your creativity to help someone else succeed.

So my challenge to you is – find some small way that you can be a little more fearless.  You might want to start by writing a story about your journey to discovering and sharing your giftedness and sharing it with people on this site.

“If it feels safe, it’s probably not the right path, but if it scares you, it probably is.” – Mark Gerzon, “Coming into Our Own”

p.s. Yes, that really is me jumping out of a plane at the top of this post – the scariest and most exhilarating thing I’ve ever done and, in some ways, a powerful catalyst for the fearless stuff I’ve done since.  You can read about “what the sky tastes like” here.

Tweet This Post