“That perfect tranquillity of life, which is nowhere to be found but in retreat, a faithful friend and a good library.” – Aphra Behn

A gentle nun shows me to my room.  As we walk down the hall she waves her arm in the direction of the cafeteria and says “you’re welcome to have juice or coffee or tea any time.  Lunch is served at 12:00.”  We pass the chapel and she says “you can use the chapel too, if you like.”  We arrive at my room and she opens the door.  The room is sparse but inviting – a simple desk and chair, a bed, a sink, a mirror, and a few wall hangings.  What makes it most compelling though, is the wall-to-wall window, opening out over the lush, green, park-like surroundings.  The window is low enough that I can sit at the desk and gaze out at the grass, trees, dandelions, and clear blue sky. 

The nun leaves and I close the door behind her.  I sit down at the desk, and set my books in front of me.  My body relaxes into the chair.  I take a deep breath, and then another.  I can feel my muscles release their memories.  Aaahhhh…. I am on retreat.

For eight hours, this room is mine.  I can read, meditate, pray, relax, sleep – basically do whatever I want.  I can even go for a walk along the river and listen to the frogs croaking in the marsh.  I am alone.  I don’t have to go to work, I don’t have children clamouring all over me or demanding that I feed them, and I don’t have to answer the phone or respond to anyone else’s needs. 

In the last few years, especially since I’ve become a busy career woman and even busier mom, I’ve come to love personal retreats.  When I get the chance, I book a day off work, set aside my other responsibilities, and book a room at a retreat centre.  Those occasions are few and far between though, so when I can’t work that into my schedule, I find other smaller ways to retreat.  Sometimes I wonder if I’d be able to hang onto my sanity if I didn’t.

Before I tried my first personal retreat, I was a little apprehensive.  What will I do?  I’m not very good at meditating or doing many of those spiritual ritualistic things – what if I don’t do it “right”?  After I tried it the first time, though, I learned that there is really no “wrong” way to do a retreat.  A retreat is defined as “a period of seclusion, retirement, or solitude” or “the act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant”.  To do a retreat “right” all you have to do is withdraw, find a quiet place and do whatever your heart or mind is inclined to do.  If all you do is rest, you’ve probably already done your body and mind a big favour.

Intentional Retreats

In the city where I live, there are a few Catholic retreat centres that make rooms available for private retreats.  The two I’ve visited are St. Benedict’s and Villa Maria.  (Don’t worry, you don’t have to be Catholic – I’m not.)  To find one in Canada, check ttp://www.catholiclinks.org/retiroscanada.htm.  In the US, check http://www.catholiclinks.org/retirosunitedstates.htm, or contact your local Catholic diocese.  For some people, a more expensive spa or resort retreat might be affordable, but I find the Catholic retreat centres fit better into my budget.  At one of the ones I’ve been to, they ask for a suggested donation of about $20.  At the other, they request $10 for the lunch and the room is yours for free.

When I go for a day long retreat, I bring along a few tools – a few good books, my journal, my Bible, and anything else that might stimulate creative thought or help me find rest.  Sometimes I go on retreat when I have a major decision to make (like a new job), and other times I go simply because my stress level has inched increasingly upward. 

Make-shift Retreats

Because it’s hard to find the time for as many retreats as I’d like (I wish I could do them monthly), I’ve learned to create make-shift retreats out of any spare time I might have.  I’m fortunate to be in a job that occasionally affords me the opportunity to travel.  When I end up in a hotel room (or, my personal preference, a bed and breakfast) in another city, I use the time not spent in meetings or work-related duties to refuel my body and mind.  I go for walks (usually in search of some green-space or water), I read books that inspire me, I get a little extra rest that I wouldn’t have time for at home, or I write in my journal.  I resist the urge to go shopping for souvenirs for my kids and I get some quality “me” time.  Like so many busy people, I often forget about myself in the middle of all the hub-bub of raising a growing, active family and working a full-time job, so when I get a chance to step away from family duties, I focus on things that will make me spiritually and emotionally healthy and more prepared to respond positively to my family when I return. 

Not everyone gets a chance to spend a solitary night in a hotel, however.  There are many other ways to have smaller, make-shift retreats.  Sometimes, on a Saturday afternoon, I steal a few minutes (or a couple of hours if I’m really lucky) for a mini-retreat.  One of my favourite Saturday afternoon retreats is a visit to my favourite bookstores where they let you lounge in big comfy chairs and browse as many books as you want.  Occasionally, I sneak away for half an hour to visit the graveyard where my son is buried.  I’ve had a lot of creative, inspiring thoughts and restful moments sitting next to his gravestone. One of my other favourite mini-retreat sites is the labyrinth that’s just been built in the park across the river from my house.

I find other mini-retreats when I can.  I bike to work in the summer time, partly because it allows me some quiet time for my own thoughts and a connection with God and nature.  I take the long way so that I can ride on a quiet path (away from traffic) and catch the sun sparkling off the river.  I’ve gotten into the habit of arriving at work a half hour before anyone else so that I can write in my journal and pray before I start my day.  I’ve even turned my laundry room into a bit of a retreat space, because my family rarely interrupts me when I’m doing laundry (the fact that they fear being put to work works to my advantage).  Folding laundry can be a great meditative task.

You can even have a mini-retreat without leaving your workspace.  When I’m at work, and the stress is building up, occasionally I’ll visit an online retreat like the one at this website http://www.prayerwindows.com/retreat.html.  An online labyrinth is another interesting way to calm your spirit and find retreat.  The ones I’ve visited are: http://www.yfc.co.uk/labyrinth/online.html and http://www.gracecathedral.org/labyrinth/interactions/index.shtml#.

Accidental Retreats

Some of the most refreshing retreats I’ve had have been the result of no planning on my part.  Some are happy coincidences, and others have been unfortunate events that I’ve turned into quiet escapes.  Sometimes, when I have to drop one of my daughters off at a sporting event or other activity, and it’s not worth going home before she has to be picked up, I’ll find a park and go for a walk, or I’ll sit in the car and read a book, meditate, or write in my journal.  Some of my best decisions have been made in those un-planned-for quiet times.

One of my longest retreats took place in a hospital.  There were complications with my third pregnancy which landed me in the hospital at 24 weeks into the pregnancy.  After a serendipitous series of gifts (flowers, books, music, lotions, etc.), conversations and events, I began to turn my room into a mini-retreat centre.  I anticipated being there for awhile, so I made myself at home.  I hung drawings from my daughters and cards from friends on the walls, arranged the flowers and other gifts in a comfortable, attractive way, and almost always had soothing music playing.  Instead of getting TV access, I read lots, prayed a lot, and wrote all about what was going on in my journal.  By the end of my three weeks in the hospital, I was able to handle the death of my son quite peacefully, partly because my hospital retreat had prepared me for it.

All of us get so caught up in life that we forget that the best way to be productive and happy people, living to our full potential, is to find times of rest and retreat to refresh our bodies and souls.  Retreat time does not need to be complicated – it doesn’t even need to be planned.  You just need to withdraw, be quiet, and rest.

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