Welcome to the party. Are you a guest or a host?
We’ve all seen it happen. A co-worker takes the last cup of coffee from the office coffee maker and walks away without making more. Hundreds of people drive past and ignore the person stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire assuming someone else will be better equipped to help them. Thousands of people watch the evening news and almost all of them ignore the story about how desperately the local homeless shelter needs donations of blankets.
We learn to ignore the need in the world (even the simple stuff like our coworkers’ need for more coffee) because we have become programmed to walk through the world as guests rather than hosts. According to an interesting (though hardly scientific) statistic I once heard, 75% of people assume their place in society is to be guests, while only 25% of people assume the role of host.
What does this mean? Just like at a party, a host is the person who takes some responsibility for maintaining the place and making people feel comfortable, while a guest assumes they’re just there for the fun and someone else will do the work. A host serves, a guest waits to be served.
A guest assumes someone else will re-fill the coffee maker. A host not only makes the coffee, but wipes up the drips the guest left. A guest grumbles about politicians who don’t do anything about the increased litter in their city. A host picks up garbage in the community park. A guest thinks it’s too bad that people are dying of hunger after an earthquake in Pakistan. A host sends money or even jumps on a plane to go help with reconstruction.
Are you a guest or a host? Ask yourself the following questions:
- If you noticed kids throwing rocks at a lame bird, would you stop them and protect the bird, or just wish their parents did a better job of raising them?
- If you happened to see that the children’s play room at the local cancer treatment centre was dull and uninspiring would you grumble that they hadn’t made it a more comfortable place for children who are sick, or would you phone the administration and offer to paint art on the walls?
- If a neglected empty lot was making the neighbourhood look unsightly, would you try to ignore it, or phone the local garden centre to donate a few flowers for you to plant?
- If you’re longing to participate in a creativity retreat, do you initiate one or wait for someone else to do it?
- If you heard that your government was making a decision that you knew would make it hard for single parent families to work their way out of poverty, would you sit around complaining about it, or write a letter to your elected official?
We can’t fill all of the need in the world (and sometimes we need to be guests to replenish our energy), but each of us has the responsibility to fill some of it.
This week, make a commitment to being a host in one small way. Consider which need sparks some passion in you and do something about it. Bring a blanket to the homeless shelter. Bake brownies for your co-workers. Help the next door neighbour build a wheelchair ramp for his handicapped daughter. Pick up garbage as you walk through the park. Donate one of your paintings to the sick kids’ centre. Write a letter to your elected official advocating for better bike trails in your neighbourhood.
Don’t assume someone else will do it because they’re all assuming YOU will.
Hi, I'm Heather Plett. I'm excited that you've stopped by to learn more about how we can make the world a better place through the sharing of our gifts and creativity. I've been thinking about these topics for a lot of years now. Through my work in creative communication, workshop facilitation, fundraising, leadership training, and freelance writing, I've gathered a lot of wisdom and stories from my own experiences and the experiences of the people I've been blessed with knowing.
Heather, this is a lovely way to talk about participation, engagement, being sources of blessing in our world. Thanks for this inspiring post!
Excellent points and much to think about. I’d say I’m more of a host than a guest, but I have my moments when I’m a guest as well. I think it’s about balance…we can’t be all of one thing all the time. I used to be “all one thing” and there was too little balance in my life. Now I know I can’t do it all by myself so I pick and choose what my “hostessing” will include. But I have to say some of this is ingrained and I am more inclined to “do” than to “wait” for someone else…
Wow — I love this analogy. So simple and perfect.
this is a beautiful post. I think people who are living in darkness make us more afraid to be hostess.We are afraid to stop for someone along the side of the road, or pick up a needy stranger . We have had people in our area who stand outside holding signs to work for food but you offer a job and they don’t want it .this makes it harder for us to be good hostesses because we are busy trying to sort thru darkness vs light.It’s a different world today . People used to help more readily now they are afraid but your right . Because of you I wake up thinking “What am I giving away?” Because of you I am becoming more concious and I am thinking of ways to be a better hostess.
Fascinating concept. I fluctuate, I think.
oh my god-that statistic is astounding! yet, on some level, I knew it to be true. I have come to realizations on this subject gradually over the last few years and am becoming a hostess and not a guest. And you know what? It feels more empowering to DO something than to complain about it. ya know?